Every day is special

It's been a while!

2011-09-04T21:18:00.001+05:30

It's been busy days & I've been loaded with work, work, work in some way or the other. Either buildings, design & drawings, or classes, evaluations & lectures, or baby & husband, or home matters! Phew! Not that it wasn't there before but things started getting time-lined and home, hubby & child cannot be side-lined either! :) And there's no maid or help (That's another hilarious yet shocking story which I'll be writing in a while).
So that's why the long silence... I've been wanting to write more & more, and the mind's been full of topics & words. Well, now that I've decided to work on spending at least ten minutes for my blogs, I hope I can go on without a break. :)
Friends from Kochi, I'll be posting an interesting topic for you guys. There's some homework to be done before I start it though.
And as the Yiddish proverb goes, Confidence is half of victory! :)

The Irony!

2011-05-14T02:40:00.005+05:30

I take a lot of effort to see that my baby girl brushes her teeth every night. It's a tiring process sometimes & funny the other times. When I ask her to spit the paste, she swallows a little & then spits out the rest. Curiosity killed me & i tasted her yummy toothpaste... are they selling strawberry jam instead of toothpaste for kids? yum...it was soooo tasty I swallowed it too! :) No wonder my princess couldn't spit it out!! But still, everyday I go "spit, spit, spit...ahhh like that...good girl..." ...i want her to know it's not meant for swallowing!

The other day she had to take some medicine & we tried our best to make her swallow it... but she just wouldn't! She would close her mouth & then spit it out. Anger, frustration, helplessness all crept within me but patience overcame it all & I tasted the medicine...yuck!! No wonder she couldn't swallow it... it was bitter & sweet, with an odd oily feel on the tongue. But I would still go "drink, drink, drink it all up" ...hoping she would just swallow it somehow.
There goes the irony... the toothpaste which shouldn't be swallowed is so tasty that the kids just swallows them ...And the medicine which should be swallowed tastes so bad & odd that they can hardly swallow it! WHAT AN IRONY!

selfless... self-less!!

2011-04-30T03:42:00.003+05:30

One of my juniors in school wrote in my autograph book "Act on the advice you give others". She was a good junior, my sister's classmate and this was a borrowed line from somewhere. But in spite of all the years gone by and all that my very close friends wrote to me, I always remembered this one special line and it always make me think...THINK!
The whole wide world is full of just advices, advices & more advices. You have a problem & I give you the best advice I can...but when the same problem comes to me?? ...I'll easily say "that's her & this is me!". And when she doesn't take my advice, I accuse her of arrogance, ego, stubbornness, disobedience, and what not! While when I can't do it, I'm weak, sensitive, hurt! Everything actually revolves around "me"! This is how the world usually works! Once again... "Act on the advice you give others". :)

Marriage? or Wedlock??

2011-04-11T16:36:00.005+05:30

I was all excited that my wedding day was fixed, after all the usual family discussions & stuff, when a close relative called to congratulate me. But instead of congratulating, the sentence she told me was "...so, you are entering the wedlock too?" I felt bad she couldn't find any other words than "wedlock"! What a negative term, I thought. How rude! But then, this lady had a really locked up life ever since her marriage & I thought that might be the reason for her words. For me, marriage to this man I love so much, was totally bliss.
Then the wedding took place... and I found out that married life was totally different from what everyone expects it to be. I thought I was alone but soon found out that my hubby was going through the same dilemma as well! :) Yes, marriage is difficult but the people who decide to row their boat together & meet the waves no matter how bad it is... people who think they will help their partner take this boat to the shore, no matter how bad a rower the other person is... they get to the shore...without being hurt! I cannot & will not blame the many who had to row it all alone... lonely & tired. I don't know how difficult it is to row a boat, where the people row in different directions.
But we've realised how things work for us, how our life should be. Marriage being God-centric is the best option (that which works for everyone)!
Well, i get calls from friends about shattered family lives... mostly girl friends, and some guys. Yesterday, a friend called and I didn't know what to tell her. So I prayed for her. She gave all she had to marry the man she so loved and now, he rarely notices her. He's always out with friends and there she returns home from work to an empty building. He doesn't even work & is full of ego. There's more to it but I don't want to describe all of it. Loneliness, hurt, helplessness, insecurity, what not? Money is all people care for! Is there anyone who thinks that there will be a time in life where money won't be able to buy anything but then it will be too late to realise they can't buy love either!
And then, I thought of that relative of mine. A lady, who was taught in the best of schools & colleges. A lady, who had so much caliber but was forced to put it all away as her husband was another egoistic male. She eventually became a woman surrounded by just the four walls of her house- no visiting her family, no relatives (her's), no functions (in her family)... just the husband & her kids & his family! But, she adjusted, she became all that he wanted... for which she had to sacrifice every bit of her own self. Her very words describe her locked up feelings. Her husband got his life & her's too. She got nothing! I respect her now, though she's no more attached to anyone in our family. I slowly realise the depths of what she must be going through. I respect her but not her decision. But I am no one to question it either.
Well, I also realise how blessed I am to have a husband like mine! There are short comings, there are problems... but in the end, I love him & he loves me! ...And that is all that matters!!! :)

Help!!

2011-03-31T04:04:00.005+05:30

There was hunger, fear, frustration & a lonely feeling in her... She was helpless & hopeless. The signs of help were no where to be seen. If only she'd ask for it! And in the dead silence, there was still the sound of time ticking away. She longed for an answer... a change... a miracle!
The heat was unbearable & her whole body ached in pain. Her cries were in vain...oh but only if she'd ask! As time flew past her, the wind blew gently & suddenly it became strong, bringing together the heavenly cloud masses. And as the cottony white masses gave way, they poured down gentle drops of kindness, love, affection & hope... then it poured down huge drops, torrents! Soaked in it, her worries disappeared to comfort, joy & happiness. Like the water poured over a hot plate, the mist arising from it.... And as the rain cooled, it also evaporated the fears & frustrations into a mist never to return again! Once again liberated & free from her cocoon, the butterfly spread it's colourful wings, looking ever so beautiful ...leaped into it's new & enchanting world... knowing now who her real friends are, values so clear... a change so unique... whoever thought she'd be what she is now?? Away she flew, to places her wings could take her, enjoying every bit of the beauty within & out & understanding herself much better than ever before!!!

My princess has changed me!

2010-05-09T01:53:00.004+05:30

My baby girl is growing up! She just became 10 months, reached the height of my dining table, is walking holding furniture for support, laughing at things she find humourous, has her own special way of doing things and understands a whole lot of things!!!
Feels like she was born just the other day. I was introduced into the world of motherhood and suddenly it all changes. Now it looks like I've been a mother all my life! My baby, you have changed me! My classmate from college looked surprised when she saw the contents of the bag I carry nowadays... full of baby stuff! ...and baby stuff alone! At college, I had my bag full of personal goodies... and everybody knew where to go if they needed something. Now, my things has taken the rear-most seat. No more of time alone, long phone calls or beauty parlour sessions. It's baby time all the time. But, I should admit that I'm loving this. Her smile, her touch, her look into my eyes, is all that's needed to ignite that special magic! She brings a smile to me when I think I cannot go further. She loves me unconditionally, making me want to love & appreciate others more & more. Everyday has a better meaning now & everyday has a cuter smile. And yes, everytime she looks at me & smiles, a tear comes to my eye & I know we will share this special bond forever! I love the way she loves me!
She has changed my world & I'm loving it! Just loving it with her!

I wonder when again!

2010-04-17T03:10:00.010+05:30

It was all so misty & cool and I could see nothing else but the pure white & thick air. The mist moved away so gently... to let me see the crispy green grass that covered the ground so neatly. My feet touched it and I melted in that feel of the soft grass with dew drops... on my feet. A cold breeze blew, my long black hair swirling in it... it felt like the breeze held my face in its firm hands. My soft white linen dress with big faded-pink flowers swayed and I lifted my hands a little to touch the gentle breeze which now surrounded me as if leading me to somewhere. As I stood there enchanted by the moment, the wind caressing me, I could hear the soothing sound of flowing water. The mist cleared up a little more to show the crystal clear brook nearby and I started walking towards it... drinking in this moment with every step I took. Nothing like this! No grass has ever been softer, no breeze so gentle and no sound so soothing!
I sat near the brook and touched the water, and it felt like I was fully immersed in it. I took a deep breath and the air smelled like sweet fragrance. Turning my face around I could see the mist moving away and into my vision came the beautiful plants with bright pink flowers and some tall trees behind them. I ran towards it my hair now being combed by the cold breeze. The bright pink flowers with smooth creamy petals smelled heavenly. I plucked one and put it on my hair and slowly dropped myself onto the bed of grass, closed my eyes and took in moment by moment this experience beyond words... no cares or worries, no thoughts or troubles! Pure bliss!
A little later my eyes felt the rays of the sun and I wondered how? This place is too enchanting to feel the sun so strong... and very lazily I opened my eyes to realise all this was but a dream!!!
Never was a dream so true, so enjoyable, so enchanting... Will this dream come true I wonder! I will hold on to this until I get it and I can wait for it with all my heart! sigh! :)

The li'l princess is now in pain...

2010-04-02T14:38:00.005+05:30

It's been some days since my li'l princess has been sick with diarrhea, cold & cough. But she's been braving it all with her ever so smiling attitude. She smiles showing her two tiny teeth, laughs and plays with her dad & mom and now when she cries, we know its beyond what she can bear.
Last night she cried endlessly without sleeping & I was shocked to see the diaper rash become so red and bad! We gave her a sitz bath in lukewarm water & salt. Then we let her lie without a diaper & she slept well. The continuous diarrhea might have caused this and we cannot do much in easing her pain. We were applying ointments & creams.
Today is Good Friday and her doc is out of town. Her homeopathic doc told us to apply coconut oil and leave her diaper free. It will be a havoc with her diarrhea but anything to help her!
It is heart-breaking to see my Prathyasha (hope) in pain. I need more energy, peace of mind and patience to help her out. Wish there was someone to help us with at-least the cooking & cleaning part.
More than anything, I pray to The Almighty Father to heal her completely & give her back her smile & energy.
There she sleeps now beside me like a tired li'l princess. Muahhh!!

There's a beautiful angel beside me now!

2010-03-28T02:32:00.002+05:30

I didn't have to wait long after I lost my first baby... I thought I'll never have another baby as I didn't want to go through the pain I already did. But after about four months, the second miracle took form in me.
It was a difficult path. We were at first scared to be excited. Then we slowly took it in and the first time we heard the heart beat, we felt the excitement rise up in us! Every month was such a sweet delight. I gave a sigh as I crossed the 4th month. Phew! The 9th month's scan was truly amazing as we saw our baby lift up her hand and wave at us!! Our prayer to hold our baby safe inside the womb was so strong that the cutie pie didn't come out even after 40 weeks.
The long wait finally ended on the 7th July, 2010 as the Lord gave us a beautiful baby girl whom we named "Prathyasha" meaning "hope".
She's really an angel. She gave a new kind of hope for us. We learned to trust The Lord more & more. Everyday is a joy now. And as she crawls all over the place in her 8th month now, I refuse to fret & worry over the way she keeps me running after her. I hear a lot of moms talk endlessly about the way they are tired because of their active kid. But, how can I? I know what it is to lose a baby and to not have a baby. So I am thankful to God for my beautiful princess and for making her so active & smart! Her smile takes my breath away and the love she shows brings tears to my eyes. I thank the Lord every time I see her!
I want to thank every one here who took time to be concerned about me & also encourage me &through all my difficult times! Thank you!

We longed for a baby and now for a miracle...

2008-05-30T23:35:00.000+05:30

I write this as a strong person in my Lord Jesus. But a day back, though I'm usually strong, I was most vulnerable, frustrated, questioning, crying, sobbing and felt like the whole world was crashing in on me.
Married for 4 years(tomorrow, May 31st- 4th Anniversary), we hoped, prayed and longed for a baby. Some days I've felt miserable without one... when months of anticipation turn out to be just "negatives" after "negatives". Two months back, our hopes and faith was answered and me and my hubby dear was so excited about becoming parents. WE named our baby DANIEL, according to a revealation one of our friends had, regarding his birth. WE took all precautions n did everything the docs asked us to. Then, the 1st scan was done followed by one more in a week's span. The position was right but no signs of a foetal pole. We waited and prayed and now, yesterday we did the 3rd scan to find "no foetal pole". The gyneac said "no signs of a normal pregnancy"... "its a case of blighted ovum"... "there is no chance of any further development or any chance of having a baby now".
Sitting there before her, I thought I was imagining, I hoped it would be nothing more than a dream, I thought I was going mad... I was shattered. I thought I might break up there but I held on somehow. I couldn't even look at my hubby, sitting next to me. I knew he was hurt too. We didn't want to hear this!!
After the doc said about aborting, we replied we will think about it and left. While I was waiting at the hospital lounge, I didn't cry. My husband went to pay off the bill. He came back after a while, and we returned home. By then, I became hard hearted and thoughts like "why me always?"... "Why didn't God answer prayers?"... "am I so bad...?" ...they filled me up and I was lost. I didn't want to talk to my darling and I very rudely asked him not to talk to me when he tried to shift my thoughts.
Back home, I collapsed on the bed and went back on those thoughts and told him that I didn't want to see anyone nor speak to anyone. I didn't want sympathy then. I quit answering my phone. He was calling friends n family for prayers.
My sweetheart came to me and started praying and at that moment I broke... I wept like a kid...sobbing away loudly, hugging my Acha(that's what I call him) so tightly. After the prayer, he asked me "are these tears of faith or sadness?" I replied that I don't have any faith and asked why me always? Why do I have to always take a step of faith to get everything in life? I told him that I've got nothing yet by praying in faith. "how can that be true?" he asked. "wasn't I an answer to the faith you had when God spoke to me about us?" He then sweetly reminded me of all the things God did for us when we prayed in faith. As I listened, I realised that there so many, countless times God worked for us whenever we took a step of faith. Our whole life was just that...and how cud I ever think of all those baseless things i wondered. I realised it was the devil who brought all those thoughts to me. I cried and asked God forgiveness for all my thoughts and words and rebuked the silly thoughts in me. Then, words of wisdom started filling my mind. God my Lord reminded me of my promises and I said Lord, I don't want to give up Daniel. He is yours and I'm just a vessel for him to come into this world. I believe nothing and no one, not even me and my body can take Daniel away from my womb... coz You've placed him there. So I believed, got on my feet and started drawing nourishment from The Word (Bible).
It's amazing, the way Jesus lifts up His children from weary to strong and bold... from dreary to mighty and brave... from faithlessness and weak to full of faith and courage.
I love You, my Lord.
Jehovah Nissi!!!

Today is the first blog day

2008-03-15T00:27:00.000+05:30

I've been wanting to create a blog ever since my hubby dear told me to and there it is today. I'll be giving him a surprise tomorrow. After that, my blogs will start which, I hope to be a reflection of my thoughts and life....Hopefully!! :)
But let me make this known first that, I love being a woman!!!! ....Nothing like it!! ...Hey, I'm not a feminist, but just a female!
Women out there, chill!! :)